Arti Sebuah Cobaan
A best friend asks me, why do tribulations always come on human being? A question that make me think. And deep inside I asks my self as well, is not it a same question that I also ask?
I remember that day, the sunshine so bright, I walked down the beach of Lampu’uk. One at the time the white foamy water swift my feet over the soft and clean sand. I’m alone that time; exile my self not only from the hectic ness, but also from someone that I come with. Someone that I was expected to be a part of my happiness. I’m away from him, I let him enjoying the sun and the beach, because I feel his not the same anymore.
I walked till I am far away from him. Until there was only God, this beautiful world, and me Until I can talk to Him.
The blue sky with the white clouds as if He’s smiling at me, and His smile has made my heart feel so peaceful. I asked him:
“God, why don’t you just let me have the happiness as I expected to be?”
“Why you always put me on a test, over and over again?”
“Why every time I try to pursue a happiness, you always pull it back?”
“Do I not privilege to it, God?”
After I feel relieved with the entire question, I didn’t expect Him to answer. Because I know God doesn’t answer. He’s answer would be a sign of premonition and whispers to our heart. I made a small request to Him, to lead His way for me and make me stronger to get through it all.
I believe, and hopefully this would be also the answer for my friend, God gave us tribulation so that to make us stronger and keep our faith to Him. And He give to those that He knows would be strong and eventually made us become a better person in Him. And what we have to do is trust Him to take care the rest. Because I know and always believe He know the best for us. Because His hand would always take care of us, as He take care the sands and leafs.
For Aya, my little friend that will always strong
16/05/06 22:17
To whom he was fallen with
It was so perfect. Everything. That day, when they thought that they might have something. Sending smile throughout friendster, sending message, then days through YM and SMS text.
He thought he saw that bright sparks in the end of the dark tunnel, which was he has lived that darkness for long. And seeing the light was something that something he scared to believe. Scared it’d harm his heart again.
And after a while, what’s his worrying about finally happen. They rarely contact each other like they used to be; even the last contact seems like an obligation. His prince charming might not realize that he keep him questioning about these entire situations and has breaking someone’s heart. Will he ask him to responsible? He, the wounded one, thinks it isn’t fair to do so since he’s nobody to him. All he have to do now is buried his feeling and smile again to the world pretend like nothing happen.
The wounded might never want to fall again, because someone has broken their hope. It might easy to say “Never hope. Expect the less” but are we going to loose a hope when someone seems to pour our day with hope? And eventually the expectation grows big as time goes by.
What people said about the vulnerable and fragile heart? “You’re still young, you think you’ve been hurt that much?” Well, is being young means deserved for heartbreak and happiness would be such an expensive privilege?
We are all aware that life is a roller coaster. And the risk of being tumbling down is something absolute. But then everybody deserves the happiness in any form that they expected and at any age that they are. And we all should aware to respect the other, be careful with what they valuing, because you never know that you might have broke someone’s heart by your words and actions.
To love is to suffer. For not to suffer, one must not love. But then one suffers for not loving. Therefore to love is suffer and not to love is to suffer. In sorrow they look for a light. To shine solely their darkest night. Be what shall it be. And see what shall they see. To a love haste into their heart. May all the wounded heart heal by thy conquering time.